I Want to Live a Life From a New Perspective

I've been thinking a lot about life, the life we choose to live, the life we think we have, the life others think we have, and the life we wish we had.

I get easily restless, and I love my life, but I would be lying if I didn't think about altering it in major ways. Moving across the country, traveling the seas, and finding a new person inside myself. I have what I call "life envy" of a few people - you know those people who seem to get to do everything you've ever wanted, and they are incredibly good at all the things you want to be good at. They seem to have it all, and for a second, maybe even a minute or longer, you wish you could have their life. But then, in moments of clarity, you realize that you are where you need to be, that all of your small experiences have led you to where you are now. You may not be in the heart of Africa, saving lives, or in your dream job, making tons of money, but you are where you're supposed to be - and you're learning a hell of a lot from it, especially when it makes you crazy. Even better still - there are probably people you know who have the same "life envy" for your life, the life you think is mediocre and boring.

For example, in my greatest dreams, I would be living in a big city, in a crazy cheap, yet big and clean apartment. I'd work as a famous writer, reader or something incredibly cool. I'd have a fulfilling, exciting job where I was successful, well-liked and constantly busy. I would be dating a Ryan Gosling (or Jason Segel) look-alike, and would only dress in the most chic clothes that I could buy without giving up my humble sensibilities (or mostly-humble sensibilities). My work would require me to travel to new cities, and move at least every 2-3 years.

Upon further inspection, I have a pretty rad life. I live in a normal-sized city, in a pretty cheap, yet big and clean apartment. I get to work with people every single day, and it is incredibly cool. I have a fulfilling, exciting job, and I think I am successful, well-liked and manage to stay fairly busy. I'm not dating a Ryan Gosling, or Jason Segel look-alike, but I'm finding a new person inside myself (which is far better, because I'm pretty sure said look-alike either is a big game hunter, or has a huge ego (two deal breakers)). Sure, my life could be better, all of our lives could be better. We could have gotten that promotion we so desperately wanted, or that purse we've had our eye on could go on sale, but in the end, does it really matter? The end justifies the means, but the means don't have to be an indication of where it all will end.

Maybe my 20s won't be as culturally diverse as other's. Maybe I won't get the chance to help women in India. Maybe I'll never be a successful Broadway actress, maybe. Maybe I'll never get a PhD, or fall in love with Jason Segel (my love is deep guys), or star in my own reality TV show. Heck, I may never be on QVC!

But that doesn't mean my life is any less blessed or less exciting. Maybe I'm finally learning what it means to be settled. Maybe.